Somberi

Whistle Podu :D

2011-05-30T11:46:00.000-07:00

5.00 PM - Hectic neck to neck driving on P.H road, racing towards the MAC stadium, Chepauk. I still remember the colorful curses from Sandeep Kumar about Chennai's traffic. Lol :) I did warn you dude !

6.15 PM - Waiting to collect tickets

6.45 PM - Calling a poor soul repeatedly who was trying to attend to nature's call :D. Excellent timing !

7.00 PM - Frantic drive around looking for a parking spot

7.30 PM - After a brief tussle with the parking attendant, race toward Gate 14

7.45 PM - Past security check, change into the SUPER KINGS yellow jersey

8.00 PM - IPL FINAL - CSK Vs RCB

Being my first time in a stadium, having heard people tell me its fun, I was least prepared for the mindblowing experience it was. 95 % of the crowd in the Super Kings yellow; A few sad souls in the RCB red. I do appreciate the nerve it took them to come and support that team, when they knew what a huge opposition they were up against.

Toss won, batting chosen and the War was on ! And what a match it was. Every time there was a boundary made, they played the Super Kings anthem and we jumped off our seats to dance and cheer. But it looked like we were off our seats most of the time. Every other ball was hit for a six or four. And 205 in 20 overs.. WOW! RCB couldn't reach it with a yardstick. I had prepared myself for a good enough fight from CSK, but the team made it one helluva match, which I would've cursed myself for missing..Had I not been there.

Thanks once again to Sandeep, Nakul and Arun and also to Dharani, Karthik, Arun, Sandeep Balaji, Divya, Mahesh and Karthik. Once again, it was a memory that would be carved into my very soul. It wouldn't have been that much fun without you guys !! I haven't danced that much, that too in public, in such a long time.

Singing happy birthday for Hussey and him waving us kisses, watching Pomersback's spectacular backside,(Good package on a whole, but that was all we could see), the Vodafone zoozoo's antics, dancing for the whistle podu song along with Keerthi and Gang( I'm louving it !) the guy running across the gallery screaming RCB ! RCB! and the crowd catching him when he tried to retreat quietly(He begged to let him go, saying sorry ! Finally, he was let go with a warning !) I know it sounds serious, but it was all in good humor. I was delirious from the feeling of togetherness that was emanating from every single supporter there. Way to go CSK ! You've earned it and I have to say it is well deserved. Once again, Dhoni gives this match his touch. He made me his ardent fan overnight(I liked him before, but World cup sealed the deal for me), and he kept his promise this time too :). Whatte man !

The highlight was watching Morkel, Bravo and Bollinger do the Madras kuthu while doing rounds after winning the match. The Chennai Influence :) I guess ! The fireworks just didn't stop and it was so hard to tear ourselves away from there.

On a whole, one helluva match, one fantastic day, another nostalgic moment to add to my list of memories :)

Adhuku oru whistle podanum :)

நீ எங்கே என் தோழா...

2011-05-25T10:32:00.000-07:00

இழைந்து ஓடும் இசையின் இடுக்கில்

இறுகி கிடக்கும் ஒரு மனதின் ஓலம்

அழைக்கும் தொலைவில் நீ இருந்தும்

இதயம் எட்டாத தூரம்

நினைக்க நினைக்க உறுத்தும்

நினைவுகளில் நிலையிழந்து மறுகும்

இங்கு உடைந்து உருகும் இந்த இதயம் இருக்க

எங்கே சென்றாய் என் தோழா...

WHY?

2011-05-23T13:16:00.000-07:00

Why do you do this?
When you know everything I do, I do with a clear conscience and straightforward intentions...

Why do you do this?
When you know I do not mean any harm in anything I do...

Why do you do this?
When you know its only the care that makes me oblivious to the mistakes I make...

Why do you do this?
When you know I would do anything to go back and set everything right...

Why do you do this?
When you know that every waking second, I am wondering whether you are ok...

Why do you do this?
When you know that everything I did, stands pointless if you didn't care...

Why do you do this?
When you know things don't always turn up the way we want, so we just accept and move on...

Why do you do this?
When you know relationships are hard and you need to work to keep them going...

Why do you do this?
When you know of all the things I can do, letting you go is something I can't...

Why do you do this?

Why?

இதுவும் கடந்து போகும்...

2011-05-19T10:43:00.000-07:00

சொல்லாமல் போன சில சிந்தனைகள்

நிரையாமல் போன சில கனவுகள்

என்றும் என எண்ணிய சில நிமிடங்கள்

அழிக்க முடியாத சில எண்ணங்கள்

இழக்க முடியாத சில உறவுகள்

இரந்தாலும் மறக்க முடியாத சில நினைவுகள்

சுமந்து

நிறைந்து

கலந்து

கடந்து

செல்லும் வாழ்க்கை

Magic !

2011-05-17T10:38:00.000-07:00

A small room, about 50 to 60 people rammed into the minuscule space. Palpable tension precipitating the air, prayers flying everywhere, empty bottles splattering a racket worth an angry mob, earsplitting cheers filling the room, a dozen astute insights into every aspect at play, audience of different sizes, age groups and colors. Paint a pretty picture, dunnit?

This is how we spent watching the ICC World Cup Final - India vs Srilanka.

I have been a fan of cricket for sometime now. But I was given a whole new dimension to viewership by these three stooges, who've changed my whole idea of cricket. Sandeep, Arun and Nakul. I remember the days after days of repeated calls and anxious waiting I spent, trying to procure tickets to go watch the match in Chennai. I also remember the colossal disappointment and the heartbreak that ensued that led to repetitive jabs from our man Nakul. Sorry I let you down buddy !

However, there are times in life that we wish we could capture a moment and then save it for evermore. That night was one of those rare occasions that would remain etched in memory forever. How the match could go from a minute of utter hopelessness to sheer jubilance, every soul in tandem, praying for that one thing which seemed unattainable for such a long time, I still haven't come to terms with. There are days I wonder, "did we really win it ??!!" :) Although, I remember the tears, the hugs, the smiles, the screams and the sheer togetherness of that moment like it was yesterday.

The march across claiming our victory, screaming to the whole world that we finally did find the cup of glory, the drive after, the horde of fans on the road, the music, the dancing, the the police breakout, the minutes of total confusion while we were running helter skelter. Every single moment was precious and filled with magic...

I know everyone wishes that such moments are everlasting and we could hold on to it forever. But I guess we just savor it, remember it with the fondness of a long lost friend and then move on. I would like to thank these three people with all my heart for bringing these moments to my life. I do know that these times wouldn't have been the same without you guys in it and I am eternally grateful for it. Thank you !

I only wish and pray that everyone of you out there get to be a part of many such moments in your life... That could keep you going for a lifetime...

It does have that effect on me :)

Close your eyes...

2011-05-04T13:25:00.000-07:00

Sleep deprived. I have come precariously close to this term many many times. Although, I have carried through the hours of weary eyed blundering with a lot of dignity and pomp. However, I am experiencing the effects of how far it can go, when the plunge does happen. Like passing out in the middle of a good conversation(err...Sorry Sandy)

Sleep is one of my favorite pasttimes. There have been times when I have slept 24 hours straight(no kidding!). Night shift ka side effects. But there have been times when I used to sleep, just for the sake of sleeping. Coz' I used to enjoy it so much.

The bliss, the complete disengage from the whole world, a dream world of your own(probably why I enjoyed Inception so much), the inimitable peace that only sleep can provide. When you do awake, its like a whole new world. It could be good, could be bad. I just it depends on the moment and mood you wake up with. You can sleep your worries or happiness away. Whichever you choose to, usually the choice is the former.

Yet, sleep is sleep as. God given, incomparable mechanism to wash our troubles, trials, tribulations, pains and pleasures away...

Yawn !!!

De Ghumake !!

2011-03-30T13:49:00.000-07:00

Sachin !

The one name that has been a chant for cricket fans for quite some time now. Analyzing the history of this little man, he has been there through most of the world cup matches played, since we won the last one in 1983.

Every single match, he still puts his best foot forward, stacking enough runs to keep this team afloat. He is still the shining beacon of hope for the Indian team, which does include other sterling players like Sehwag (Not to dishonor the fearless warrior - he is one guy who has stood by Sachin and helped him through), Kohli, Yuvraj, Raina, Pathan and et all. However, I wonder if these guys would take a page from Sachin's book when it comes to the dedication he has given to the every single game of his. He is the darling of every Indian who knows cricket not just for his master shots, but for his love of the game.

I am surprised that it still hasn't rubbed off on the other players. I am not saying they don't love what they are doing, but sometimes when they throw away their innings like dice, it makes me wonder, are they really in it for the love like Sachin is...?

If not for anyone else, this World cup is long overdue for Sachin. He deserves one. And it should be the responsibility of his fellow team mates to stick right by his side and make sure they get one.

For the Little Master ! **Bows**

Missing Link

2011-02-11T09:27:00.000-08:00

Yet another... Vanished into the mist. I have been forewarned. People related to me have always kept telling me that there is something fundamentally wrong... or should I say unlikeable about me that drives people insane and finally far away. I disagreed, tried to rationalize and move on. This one, that I thought was a keepsake for life...This one disapparating into dust had finally made me come to terms with the realization that there IS something...Something definitely wrong with me...

If only I knew what it is... Maybe it would've helped me retain this. It would've taught me to be wary around people, not trust indeterminably, taught me to stay non oblivious to the fact that it is was as easily breakable as any of my other relationships.

Something's wrong... I wonder what it is...

Twist...Squeeze...Break !

2011-01-29T06:58:00.000-08:00

Pain.

A word that makes a lot of sense when it is physical. Insouciant, impratical and blithe, I have always taken life as it comes. I am only human... I agree. I have experienced the bouts of blinding, excruciating pain as well as heartbreaking, immense happiness as well. I have no complaints from life... Until now...

Things... insignificant as they may seem, sometimes makes you step back and contemplate the big picture. Things that seem inconsequential, silly. Things that shouldn't bother you much. Things you know that will pass as time serrates by. Still, the serrated edge of time does cut you clean, making you hurt for a lifetime.

Pain, I never knew existed. Pain, I never knew I could feel. Like your heart is being ripped into pieces and being fed to the wolves...

Pain that I hope will fade as time wanes... Pain, that someday will pass...

Self Discovery

2011-01-11T06:07:00.000-08:00

Pensive and retrospective, I consider the fallacy people tend to reiterate with reckless abandon. The fallacy of knowing themselves… Do we really? Many subtle deterrents, emotions and combinations of both, are what form the sporadic bouts of feeling we go through. There is never a continued feeling of agony or ecstasy, is there?

I look back at the episodes of my life and find it amusing to think of the million instances, where I acted on the basis of knowing myself. Now I know how completely and entirely false that is. There are many parts of me, I am still discovering.

Are we really who we claim we are? Life is a mystery worth discovering. I guess our whole lives are paved to that one single discovery, the discovery of ourselves and I am anxious to know when that would end. Will it ever?

And as I stumble along this path of self discovery... I must say, I enjoy every moment of it. Life truly is beautiful.

What A Predicament !

2010-12-07T10:56:00.000-08:00

I am amused. By the sheer number of times...I end up being the bad person whenever I endeavor to do something good for someone. Either I haven't learnt my lesson well EVERY one of those times, or I am just that thick-skinned that it never sinks in.

There have been brief moments in life, where I have been faced with decisions to make for my loved ones. Ones that could make or break our relationships. Ones that could seriously deface the trust we hold between each other if it turned out wrong. I have still gone ahead and taken those risks, all in good faith, for the benefit of those loved ones.

Turned out to be a humongous mistake ! Livid, guilty, depressed, inarticulate and imprisoned ! A potpourri of all the feelings that could make you feel like living, walking scum. Thats how I feel right now.

God help me !

The Long Way Home...

2010-04-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

Whew.. well hellos !! I am back... after a long time.. A long break.. But wow ! what a time it has been. So many new things.. so many old things.. New memories made, old memories taking the back burner.

Things have become different. My outlook towards life, the way I see people... I have evolved. Changed is too small a term. I did change sometime back, always wondered if it was right or wrong. But now I see the significance. Change is not always bad. It does sometimes lead to good things.

Have also been stumbling upon so many ole' friends all of a sudden. Its kinda weird that whenever I walk into a new place, I see an old face. Its good to know that people still remember you too and are still at a comfortable conversational level.

Hmmm.. Good or bad, life is still on its way.. The long way home !

Ugh ! Change AGAIN !

2010-02-09T15:55:00.000-08:00

Juuust when you thought... Wow ! everything is working ! Juuust when you thought... everything is finally ok and good to go ! Juuust when you thought... everything's gonna be fine from now on ! God was probably thinking... Oh yeah ! Think all you want, but it ain't gonna happen.

Come on, I am not against change or anything. Yeah yeah, I have been used to the quote, " Change is the one permanent thing", "Be the change you wish to see"...blah..blah..blah. Infact I have myself wrote about this so many times on this same blog. But I DO like a little bit of consistency once in a while. Something to lean back on, take rest and then prepare yourself for the next change.

What riles me, is when change happens like so fast, that you never know what hit you ! Like the rug under your legs has been pulled out. THAT is the kind of change, which is a little disturbing. Not that I will not get used it...

Do I have a choice really ?! Change IS the one permanent thing right ??!!

Night Rider

2010-02-06T10:41:00.000-08:00

"You drive home at 2 in the night?","Aren't you even a little scared?","How do you do it, I mean, how do you manage to drive so far, that too at this time of the night?", "Isn't that really far, now? Wow you must be brave." ...Rhetoric questions that arise when I tell people I drive back home at 3am and that too on a bike !

But driving through empty streets, dotted with people, the moon following you and the cool breeze on your face (something that is very hard to find in the humid conditions of Chennai) is a blessing in disguise that not many people take the pains to experience. Kind of a Hotel California effect !

At the end of work, returning back home through a crowded, dumped with traffic end-to-end road, as opposed to an empty road with no traffic and freedom to sing at the top of my voice, I would trade the first one for the latter. Any day !

Yeah I know it is unsafe. But isn't everything in life a risk? I am willing to take this one, at the cost of the experiences I get.

So I am signing off now... Getting ready, full gear on !

Adios Amigos !

IN THE PLAN - Mum's money lessons: be de...

2010-02-05T11:55:00.001-08:00

IN THE PLAN - Mum's money lessons: be de...

Two simple goals that his mother, Sukumari Amma, followed when he was just a kid became financial gospel for Venkatesh Babu through his life. "My mother had two simple financial goals--to remain debt-...read more...

Routine !

2010-02-05T00:46:00.000-08:00

A bright sunny morning
Birds Chirping
The sound of birds cawing their first Good morning !
The smell of fresh Coffee
The sound of water running everywhere when people take showers..
The jam of traffic
The sweltering heat of the sun as it goes up
A bustling office
People wishing and greeting each other
Work !
A long lunch break
Conversations that lead to nowhere still end up in laughter
Hurried calls or messages and fixed up evening meetings
Mocha !
Aswin, Rehan, Sudhakar, Vijay, Meenakshi, Vinitha, Sandeep
Mindless chatter not knowing what lies for tomorrow, no end in sight, still ending up in us clutching the sides of our tummies
Talk... Laugh... Tease... Bond
Dinner together
Drives... Airport, Twilight, ECR...
Goodbyes and entreaties to meet the next day
Rides back home
An angry mother for being late
Sleep.... Blissful.. Uneventful... Tired... Total.. Deep... Sleep

A routine I desperately miss...with all my heart !!!

Curiosity Killed The Cat ?

2010-02-03T01:50:00.000-08:00

Does it really? Coz', interesting conversations with my nephew and niece are the ones that bring to mind this fact - how I have forgotten to be curious and amazed at small things. The time when you questioned every single thing that you do. Not in a wrong way, but how we were curious about the things we did and tried to take apart every machine or toy that came our way. How we felt our way through things without knowing anything, but still never had the fear of the unknown.

Clueless, yet happy. The same doesn't somehow apply when we grow up. As adults, I guess the fear of being an adult, of being responsible, of having to maintain a certain level of sanity, pushes the fear into our hearts and we stop being curious about life. As to what life may lead to. We worry, we fret and fume but fail to explore and are never curious.

Surprising isn't it? How we, the same small people we used to be can grow into such different big people? People say growth is good..

Wonder if it is !

The important thing is not to stop questioning… Never lose a holy curiosity ~ Albert Einstein

The Old Paradigm

2010-02-01T22:33:00.000-08:00

That books are the best friends... I would desperately agree... However, I haven't found enough time to spend with this friend of mine.

True... I have never missed something so desperately. I do not find the time, as much as I wanna make it, to read anything at all. The ultimate pleasure of experiencing a new adventure with every page you read, almost living in the different characters, anxiously turning page to page to find out how it ends, is an adrenalin like no compare, something that people who don't read will never know about.

People tell us time and again that there is a lot of knowledge in books. Yeah sure, but forget the knowledge, they are so much fun !!!

IF you don't read... You are missing something.. Trust me !

விண்ணை தாண்டி வருவாயா...

2010-01-31T05:20:00.000-08:00

விண்ணை தாண்டி வருவாயா என்று கேட்டவுடன் எனக்கு தோன்றிய ஒரு சில வரிகள்

வாழ்க்கையின் அர்த்தம் புரிய
வலியின் விளிம்பில் இருந்து
என்னை மீட்க்க
விண்ணை தாண்டி வருவாயா

பாதை பார்த்து நிற்க
கனவில் நனைந்து நான் காத்திருக்க
தனிமை நீக்க
விண்ணை தாண்டி வருவாயா

நினைவுகள் ததும்ப
மீண்டும் ஒரு வானம் பிறக்க
வேதனை நீங்க
விண்ணை தாண்டி வருவாயா

நீயே என் உணர்வாக
உடம்பாக, உயிராக
உறைந்து கலந்திடவே
விண்ணை தாண்டி வருவாயா

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

2010-01-28T00:01:00.000-08:00

Friends... No no, not the relationship..but the sitcom F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Everyone who knows me, knows how crazy I am about those six people, its not the real people but the characters I am talking about. How I wish I had a Chandler or a Ross or a Joey or a Monica or a Rachel or a Phoebe in my life...

I have known times of my life, when I feel so down and depressed and feel like I am rotting inside, when watching a coupla these episodes actually cheer me up enough to still go on. You might think I am A classic freak for saying this, but there are so many things to this sitcom, that makes me relate to this so much or make me wanna have something like that.

Be it a life like that, or a bunch of friends who constantly pull jokes on you and yet stick right by your side when you actually need them...

Sometimes I wonder, isn't that what everybody would want?

Bummed !

2010-01-22T11:14:00.000-08:00

Whew.. ! Three days and I am already all out of air. Breezing through a calm and very less demanding induction on the first day, ended up staying 4 hours over my shift on my second day itself. To top it, could sleep only for about 3 hours, making me look like a character out of the Dawn of the Dead.

For all the complaining that I did on how I am getting bored being unemployed and it is so great being back at work... Ziippp....

Anyways have to say... Am learning a lot more than I learnt anywhere, already. A host of new things, new people, new processes...

Well whatever happens, happens for a reason right?

Finally Over, Yaay !!

2010-01-20T23:49:00.001-08:00

The wait is finally over. The long wait, unemployment, the sickening chore of having to occupy yourself without doing anything the whole long day is finally done and gone with. Getting back to work is such a pleasure, atleast till it grows on you and then you start complaining about the tight schedules and short holidays.

The ambiance of a bustling, sleep deprived, caffiene induced, stress driven work floor always induces the adrenalin and gets you to your feet.

Hoping that it doesn't get to me soon enough to start get boring too soon :)

Love You Like I Do...

2010-01-20T07:34:00.000-08:00

"When I lost you, I loved you more... but between the both of us, you lost more because, I can love other people the way I loved you, but you will never be loved the way I used to love you..." - Source Unknown

A silent dance
A soulful tune
A sorrowed whimper
Is all I have of you.

The wind blowing my hair
Reminds of the days
I lived every waking moment
Just to see the smile on your face.

One swift strike
Is all it took
To wipe those emotions away
Out of every cranny and nook.

Now all I remember
Is the pain inside
I'd rather live like this
Than have you beside.

The Weird World of Chat !

2010-01-10T10:48:00.000-08:00

Chat.. a word that is common in most people's vocabulary these days. Companies are trying everything to stop people from doing just that and get back to work :) Something that lets us know people better. Something that relieves stress and helps u vent a lot. Something we reserve friendship for.

Internet chat has acted as a medium for the same, however people have misused it to the extent of people wanting to shun it completely as useless technology. The possibility of talking to nameless,faceless yet a living, breathing individual on the other end, who could be a lot like you and maybe understand you better than any person who exists in your life right now, is something to root for..instead of shunning.

But true, the nameless, faceless factor tends to be drawn to a bad advantage by many miscreants as well and it becomes so tough to demarcate the good from the bad. If you are not smart enough, there is a clear chance of losing yourself to it and getting stuck in serious trouble, like I myself did, at a very young, unwise age. Although have also made some lasting friendships through it.

Internet is such a wide and well-rounded media. It has its good and bad sides. To be able to discern and use it wisely, rests with us I guess...

Aal Izz Weell !!

2010-01-07T08:44:00.000-08:00

College time... Something that is deemed to be the best period of anyone's life. Something to this day, I regret having missed. But it couldn't be better portrayed than it has been in 3 Idiots.

Being an avid reader of Chetan Bhagat's books, and all the papers screaming about the injustice that has been meted to his story, I was pretty skeptical. But also a huge fan of Aamir and his believable ways, I kept an open mind, when I walked into this movie today.

I was blown away. Not a single second did the movie bank a low. Especially the "Balatkar" scene had me in splits. The pregnancy scene, that caused so much ranting and raving was actually a fabulous, moving and well etched out scene. Couldn't have been put better and with more respect. I don't see the logic behind people finding fault with that.

An extremely endearing and satiric story of the Three Musketeers - Farhan, Raju and Rancho, 3 Idiots is an enchanting portrayal of the life of three good friends, their highs and lows, their strong bond and the connection that keeps relationships like this alive. The story of College, that forms some everlasting relationships.

Madhavan is nowhere to be seen, his role so inconsequential and so is Sharman Joshi. Though their parts are vital for the movie, Aamir easily eats them up. Not only does he look half his age, he fails to tire me with his relentless consistency. Kareena is a perfect fit. A small yet simple and very well done role, which is carried out effortlessly by her. Not to mention how pretty she looks ;)

Being a huge fan of movies, this movie was my Utopia. I have enjoyed movies, but it has been a long time since a movie had moved and entertained me so much.

Not to miss the lesson the movie wishes to drive in. How competition gets to people. How we forget to learn, in our race to win. How amongst the pushing and prodding, we forget to have fun with what we do. Had me hitting myself for not having followed my dream when I wanted to and had me wondering, what if I had. Too late for it anyways huh !

Mindblowing ! A real must watch ! Don't miss it !

What Do You Say...

2010-01-06T11:19:00.000-08:00

What do you say..? When that someone you miss so much just stays out of your reach? What do you say..? When this person who seemed so known to you for so long, suddenly seems like an utter stranger? What do you say..? When there is so much distance between you two that no matter how much you stretch, its never quite enough to touch that person's heart? What do you say..? When all you do is wonder how that person is faring, when they are out partying all night? What do you say..? When every turn you take down that familiar lane brings pangs when the other person is probably not even thinking about it as they pass through the same? What do you say..? When the memories that keep haunting you, pull at you despite you wanting to avoid them, when the person in it is out making new memories? What do you say..? When so much changes, that it feels like life never used to be that way, that it all feels like a long distant dream?

What do you say...?

A Long Wait..

2010-01-05T09:56:00.000-08:00

I have never quite understood the term "Unemployed". When you walk into an interview sweating your palms out and walk out with an equally soaked offer letter and a smile.. I never realized the importance of holding a job. To me it was always yet another achievement.

There have been umpteen Tamizh movies, that show the hero walking into a lot of companies and then being thrown out on his heel without a job. Never really understood the term..

Till now...

The utter exhilaration of having completed all the dues that I had under my name...made me quit a perfectly fine job and take a break. I truly wanted it at that point, because working non-stop for 5 years does that to you sometimes. But little did I know what I was getting myself into. There were so many people who advised me against it..family...friends stating that I should find a job and then quit, because the market was really bad.. Depression and all..

But cheeky as I was, or putting it more dressily, as overconfident about myself as I was... I quit.

Then I discovered Unemployment.

Not having money, having to wager every time and to count till that last penny, taking dime sized loans from friends, being able to accept flat out that you are jobless(god it is embarrassing, when they are trying to sell you something...), being able to tell friends you cannot join them because you cannot share(when you used to be the one who did all the spending, happily of course...) And well not just the spending factor, but the boredom of whiling time away, calling up friends and find that they are busy and you are disturbing them(when it was vice versa at a point of time), doing everything you can, to keep that morale up...All this and more..courtesy - Unemployment.

It hurts the most when you have to wean a loan to buy your friend a gift on her birthday.. But hey, I made the choice to quit so I might as well face the music huh !!

Can't say its better now, but I am used to it.. Situation is manageable because its just me now and there is no one else to spend for.

But I know I will never forget this phase though. The phase of doing nothing... The phase of waiting...waiting and more waiting...for the one phone call or message that will turn your life on its head.

Have to say.. It is a pretty long wait !

Good Bye 2009 !

2010-01-03T22:15:00.000-08:00

What a year...!! What a year it has been.

Ronan Keating's song.. Life is a Rollercoaster is kinda appropriate when it comes to my life I guess. So many episodes, which will remain etched in my life. A very eventful year.. A lot of things that I gained, things I have been yearning for years. A lot of things that I lost, things that I have wanted to savor for the years to come. Some important lessons.. What I believed to be true and right for a very long time, proved wrong.

However, there are no regrets. I accept that the sun has set on many of my relationships. I am willing to learn from it, bury the pain, put it behind me and move on now. I guess life keeps teaching us the same lessons till we learn it well. This time I have. I have been extremely sensible or extremely stupid at different points in my life, but the lessons I have weaned out of these episodes are definitely priceless.

This is just a sign off and goodbye note for the all the people who have left my life. If you're reading this, thank you for everything.. All the laughter, all the memories, all the pain and all the lessons as well. Want to put my head down and thank God for the first time, for teaching me these lessons in the way he has. And thank you for the wonderful people who have entered my life and made it so colorful and eventful and for the company they are going to provide, for the whole of this year...or my life.

So long 2009, and till we meet again (In Jim Carrey's words from the Truman show).. Good Morning, Good Evening and Good Night !

The world's most sensible person and the biggest idiot both stay within us. The worst part is, you can't even tell who is who ~ Chetan Bhagat

Me & Myself...

2009-09-30T05:57:00.001-07:00

A few words of significance in my life...

Confused - A word I use often, that has led people to even call me Ms. Confission :) (Yes, the typo intended)

Dreamer - I love to look at life from all angles and picture myself to be everyone. I guess thats what makes me what I am and helps me understand people better

Impulsive - Revoltingly impulsive, I make split second decisions and stick to it for Life. Stupid as it seems, I am pretty serious about these decisions even if they are split second

Trust - The key word to all my relationships. I have never been with a person I cannot trust. It takes a Herculean effort from anyone who breaks my trust to make me forgive them and accept them again. Nobody has taken the effort so far...

Protective - I am fiercely protective of the ones that I love. I hate people who hurt my loved ones and would gladly break their nose if I lay my hands on them

Love - Something I believe is unconditional. Or that is how I was taught to believe by that one person who taught me the meaning of the word. I learn to love and look at people the way they are and try not to change them

Friend - I stand by everything that rings true behind that particular word. I am proud of and would respect, love, adore, give, support, fight for... every single friend in my life. A typical Virgo, I am loyal and believe in loyalty

Crazy - I am a person who hates order. I love to look at the totally lunatic dimension of anything that happens. And as a result of these dimensions, I laugh and worry to the extent of driving other people crazy as well

Finally...

Mysterious - I am pretty open. I tell people everything, even to the extent of how I feel about them or anything at all... Then how does one become mysterious ? There are parts of me, no human would ever know... There are parts of me that sometimes startle even me.. Behavioral traits that I never knew I had or ever thought I could even develop... Emotions or thoughts or even courage that I never knew I possessed. There is so much about me that I am still finding out...

Life

2009-07-26T20:37:00.000-07:00

Life is a rollercoaster…

In the superstar’s words…

“Ellam Maayai”

To me this has always been a song… Just a buncha words. It has never hit me really how true it is. For a minute you think you have everything… A happy family, a great bunch of friends, a partner who understands and loves you and next minute, those castles have vanished in thin air. Life changes so fast, in the matter of minutes. One wrong word, a misunderstood message, a hidden feeling, a long standing distaste, could be anything, but it just takes minutes to explode and disappear in the mist.

My relationships have been such. I have always remembered my brother asking me, why is that I never have friends who are permanent? Who are always around? I guess my façade of intelligence and strength amazes them and draws them close. But later when they learn about the person in me it drives them away.

All through my life, I have learned to wear different masks. One for my mother, one for my father, my brother, my school, my friends, my teachers… I guess everyone does. But the problem with my masks was, just the face masks were not good enough, I have to do the act that goes with it. So essentially I could be schizophrenic. But deep down inside, I am the person I am and the one person, who understood it, isn’t with me anymore.

Times like this makes me miss this person more and more and maybe time only has the answer to a lot of my questions.

I wait.

A Lost Friend !

2009-06-10T06:13:00.000-07:00

Songs have a euphoric quality to it at times. One such song of recent times is “Manasellam” from Kulir 100’. This song washed a wave of memories into my heart. About one particular friend, who kinda floated out of my life. Due to no fault of his, but my own, I pushed him away and when I did go back, he wasn’t there anymore(as a friend I mean…)

This song brought those memories back, and to the point of breaking down, I listened to this song easily like a hundred times in the span of three days. And it kept bringing up his face every time and it was like a guilt trip, that I was taking, which I did not like. I started to wonder how he was, where he was, what he was doing now etc… Even fears arose, whether something untoward had happened that I did not know of.

Sheer desperation you could call it, made me pick out the number, from my MEMORY (Yes ! memory…not even out of a diary… a memory alone) and message him. I did receive an extremely formal message where I should’ve realized my limits ended. Stupid as I am, the conversation extended, where I threw a guess to his whereabouts (which I think is unfortunately right), which brought the reply to a stand still. After a barrage of sorrys and explaining that I was not stalking him and it was a guess… The curt reply came asking me to not complicate things further and to have a nice life!

This person was my best friend from some time back and continues to be one of the best people I have ever met in my life. Till date, even though this last conversation went a little sour, I will cherish it for a lifetime.

In a way, this particular thing, taught me a bit about relationships, which is why I decided to share this extremely personal experience today. It taught me that things DO change, people included. However close they are, how much ever you love them, and how much ever you want the relationship to be the same, it is going to turn. It is easier for us to expect the turn and be ready for it, than shed tears about it later.

This is something you might have read in books about change and something that I teach people on a regular basis. But sometimes, things like this are brought home by incidents as minor as this as well but do have a profound impact.

Added later ---

In an interesting turn of events, this friend of mine calls me back a coupla weeks later and asks to meet him. Lunch it was. Somehow I felt jittery, the fear of the unknown. I did not know whether we'd be the same people we used to be and whether the warmth we shared would still be there. I walked in and sat down.

From the moment, I said hello till I said Goodbye that day, every moment will be another memory for the keeps. Not one moment did I feel like we had been apart all the years and I knew instantly, why I missed him so much. He explained how I shouldn't blame myself for what happened and the relationship that was once so beautiful, continues to stay alive with him as well. But we chose to remain the way we are now, for the good of his family and for our peace of mind. Ours was always an open relationship and it stays that way(in his own words..)

This post is a huge thank you...for that special friend, who will continue to take the same place in my heart, come what may. If you are reading this... Remember, you are the Best friend I ever had and it will always remain that way(the term reserved only to you).

Relationships once formed, just remain with you. Whether the person is with you or not, whether we are able to share our lives or not, our memories remain intertwined with each other and someday, somewhere, somehow it will give us the strength to go on, to remember that there is someone who still cares for us. No matter what.

A Series Of Unfortunate Events !

2009-06-10T06:04:00.001-07:00

The recent trend of movies, possibly because of the multiplex problem has taken a very sorry state. An ardent fan of feature films, I am the kind that enjoys the good ones, to the crappy ones all the same. But there is also a limit to how much crappy I can take.

Four movies in a row, each competing with the other on the level of crappiness, I reached a point where I was just about to give up the habit.

It started with Ananda Thandavam. A story by Sujatha (one of my favorite film writers, though I have read his written works very sparsely), I expected some justice done to the story and I was sorely disappointed. Then came Sarvam. Extremely good looking Arya and Trisha are the only highlights. Good movies from the director of Sarvam(Vishnu Vardhan), led me to believe on this one. Again a huge disappointment. Then came Pasanga. All the rave reviews and people telling me the movie was good, I decided to bite the bullet one more time. Took my mom and my brother's mother-in-law, the only solace was that I had company during the three hour torture.

Finally I banked upon Hollywood (since I thought Kollywood had gone to the dogs) would do some justice to movies, I walked into to Watchmen, but Oh my God ! So bored was I in the movie, I could’ve killed myself.

Angels and Demons! I am an avid reader too and walked into this movie with much skepticism, but surprise of surprises, it did turn out to be pretty ok. After a string of extremely sad ones, this was a welcome relief…

For the good of the entire movie going population, I do hope that the people who make movies, actually consider whether it will kill people of boredom, before they actually release it.

Sucked !

2009-06-10T05:59:00.001-07:00

Mercilessly crowded. That’s what I could say about this event I went to. I believe it is meant for you to be able to get anything you want to put together a home, right from carpets, to calendars, to wall hangings to bedspreads to even furniture and swings.

My mother is an enthusiast in this area and likes to go on shopping binges like this. To sate her interest, we ended up there in the worst timing that I could call it, last Sunday evening.

The place is a maze. The minute you step in, the only way you get out is to go through the whole thing, every single stall. Made the first mistake of buying a very beautiful (I considered it a smart choice, at that moment!) silk bedspread, which I later clobbered myself for, as it turned out to be a dead weight. I ended up lugging the heavy thing around, the whole time. And once I bought it and I decided I had enough, the problem was the escape route.

I wanted out, but there seemed to be none. I was reduced to the extent of telling people to bugger off so I could get myself out and some fresh air and much needed, WATER!!

Reminds me of the instance of mom and me getting stuck in between the wave of people that sweep into Tirupathi, for the darshan at the end and my mom getting almost choked to death. I swore to myself that I will never go to that place again.

As much as I enjoy shopping like this, I guess the best time would be on a weekday in the afternoon. Should probably take the day off, just for this… Sounds silly yes, but unfortunately, that is the case…

Life and Death !

2009-02-17T01:18:00.000-08:00

Reading one of the blogs of a fellow blogger,(Prisoner - Thank you !) made me ponder a bit about the concept... The widely accepted and universally philosophical concept called Death. Steve Jobs..in his Stanford grad speech..mentions.. No one wants to die. Not even people who want to go to heaven want to die to get there... Its true.. No one wants to die.. But it is a great motivator for life isn't it.. It gives us the hope we need..to bide past every single day of our lives.. It clears our thoughts and emotions to think of the things and be with the people, that matter the most.

As for life after death, maybe there is, maybe there's not. But who wants to wait and find out. Everyone wants to live this life, get to do everything they want in the time given to them. No one wants to wait till life after death(when we are said to possess so called powers - courtesy..movies like Ghost !) to do everything they've always wanted. Everyone wants a full life. A life filled with happiness, sorrows, ups and downs. And yet, when faced with Death...

Death leads you to believe, to hope for all things good, for what's worth. Death makes you spend time with people who matter the most, do things that you've always wanted to do. Things that you thought you had the next twenty to thirty years to do. You call it your destiny, fate or whatever, but it is still the single best invention of life(in Steve Jobs' words). I totally agree...

Death is.

Not Fair !

2009-02-16T22:48:00.000-08:00

Losing something...A relationship...A person... A gift...Something as meagre as a simple voice file...I've known loss is the toughest emotion. The hardest feeling to digest and live with. But we are usually left with no choice, but to accept. Working on something for almost twelve hours, my server swallowed the file up. Every inch of effort that went into that file, were gone in the matter of a split second. I wanted to scream bloody murder...cry loudly... but the only thing I could do is pull on a sad smile and walk away like it didn't matter. Today as I redo it again, I am just thinking...Is this the law ? For every single thing in life ? Is loss the only remaining option at the end ? Is that fair ??

Tired to the Bone !!

2009-02-09T07:54:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I wanna quit. Go do something that I absolutely love doing... Learn music or dance or performing arts. Tour the world,learn new languages, meet new people. Backpack, hitchhike, white water raft, bungee jump... Go absolutely bonkers over life and live it to the fullest. I don't have any big qualms with life. I am content, satisfied, have a good family and circle of friends. Life is good. But sometimes... The mind wants more... To be sated...To embellish... To spread wings... To Break Free !!

To Mend Or Not To Mend…

2009-01-31T01:08:00.000-08:00

Hazy…Vague…Subtle…Strong…A feeling that I thought was dead and gone. A maze of emotions, not knowing where it leads, towards another curve, or the way out or just a dead end. Confused, caught, stifled and distraught… A piercing pain that just won’t depart. A winding dream that haunts the soul, waking up to the same realization from dawn to dusk.

Thoughts in a whirl, but the mind a blank wall, not knowing what to think and not knowing what not to. A life so fraught… A silhouette of an emotion long lost… A piece of a broken heart !

To mend or not to mend…

Mon Cher Amour !!

2008-11-20T11:25:00.000-08:00

A pointless blank
Wiped clean
Sprinting blindly
Where did I begin...

A path unknown
Empty and lone
Past many memories
Heartswept, Windblown...

In many shards
A life of no bound
A missing piece
Never to be found...

Where do I go ?
Walking this way
All by myself
Where you left me to stay !

Hon !

Quarter Finals !!

2008-06-12T00:05:00.000-07:00

Sweaty and tired, after a long day at work, rushing not to be late, I arrived bang on time at the appointed venue at the mentioned time. 4 pm it is... a lot of old faces, some names keep popping up on ma mind, as I look around... Soundarya (a contestant, whose a relative of a friend o' mine) says hey... We are told about how serious it is going to get from here, Prakash and Nithil all so serious... The names of the judges kinda delight me, cause Suresh was a nice person and Jeffrey was my dance instructor, and I was hoping he would remember me after all these years( Eight to be exact...)

After a long wait, the judges arrive... Initial chit chat, we are informed that we need to select one of three songs we chose to submit for this round. I, the intelligent, chose a popular hindi number called Bhool Bhulaiyaa, from the movie Bhool Bhulaiyaa.. A famous and peppy track that I followed regularly and Suresh approved it too. Jeff breezes through our dresses, choosing and suggesting good ones for us... And thankfully he did remember me :) Both the judges, were extremely sweet and patient, helping us one by one.

D day arrives, all the participants trailing in slowly in the morning. All the late risers, yawning and sporting puffy eyes and dark circles, slowly trickle in. The show gets on the road, when Prakash said, first team make-up. Thats when the tension became palpable. People practicing in every available niche and nook. One by one, the performances went through.. Some did well.. some didn't. But overall, the judges were being fair and square to everybody...

There were some people who left us, Saahil.. His second performance will always stay in ma memory.. Its worth a mention. I didn't get to see a lot of performances, but the three performances that blew me away were from Shakthi Sree, Al-Rufian and someone I regretted not noticing earlier.. Kaustav Chatterjee... Shakthi's voice had the kind of strength, the kind of power that I know I will never have... Best of luck, girl ! and Kaustav... blew me away... Had he walked off the stage that moment when he finished singing, I would gladly fallen at his feet and started a place of worship for him there.. He is my most favorite contestant. And I know he will make it... His rendition of Mitwa moved me to tears ... and with his Gangster number, I was screaming so much my voice broke... :) Way to go Kaustav ! Best of luck, hon ! Another person who was serious surprise was Roofie :) ( A.k.a Al-Rufian).. He is probably gonna kill me for calling him that. But I like it that way... The way he could move, my jaw literally dropped when I saw him there... Again, a supreme singer.. Best of luck, buddy ! But the most entertaining of all, was as always our own Jitha :) who's Loosu Penne was adorable... I was in splits watching it... Best of luck, dude !

My performance was mediocre, even by my standards and Pooja, Craig and Aswin noticed it perfectly. IF I do have another chance, preparing to mend that.

I know Kaustav and Shakthi are destined to this, but I am also praying Jitha and Roofie make it too..They are all extremely talented people and require their niche in the World of Music.

I hope it carves a spot just for them.. Best of Luck guys !!!

The Kiss !!!

2008-06-01T21:18:00.000-07:00

A little hesitant...
A little unsure...
The first time
A little hard to endure.

Shy and nervous...
A arduous path to take.
Looking at it now...
Never know what happens in the wake.

Crossing lines ...
Just a bit.
Wondering when and where...
It would take a hit.

First time...
Oh the first time...
There's nothing harder ...
Than the very first time !

A New World !

2008-05-26T20:34:00.000-07:00

Witnessing a birth ! Something that I guess happens to every woman when she has one of her own. I have always wondered how people go through all the pain. True, we end up having one of the most wonderful, incredibly cute babies at the end of it. But I've always wondered, how is that women find the strength in them to do that.

Very recently I got to be with someone who was delivering a baby. It was the first time, for her and for me. I never realized how cathartic the experience could be. Though the baby was born by a c-section, I never really understood how much pain the woman went through to get there and through it. I saw it happen and I realize how hard it is. Men talk about nurturing woman, taking care of her ...but I dont think they will never really understand the depth of the bond, that a baby and a mother share and the amount of patience she puts in to get there, to have her baby, to hold it close and nurture it for the rest of her life.

I dont think even the children that come out of mothers like these(like me...) tend to understand how hard it for a mother, to go through all that. Especially if she has to do it all alone. My friend has a nurturing and caring husband to be there and take care of her. I am truly amazed when I think, how my mom did it... All alone. I remember my previous post about moms being exasperating. Well I guess I gotta eat my words now. They have all the right to be exasperating, considering what they go through for us.

Hats off to all the wonderful mothers out there ! This one is for you !

Sweet Torture !!!

2008-05-22T09:29:00.000-07:00

I remember reading Paroma and Dev's posts. So much meaning to it... So true guys.. Moms are the best as always. But just like friends whom we tend to miss after they leave but fight with all our mights while they are with us... Moms can be exasperating... A lot of times..

Call it second childhood or senility... but to act like a stubborn child, none better than my mother to do the impersonation and at times, I feel like a mom to her. Its like we switch roles...

Be it small things, which she starts to sulk for, or blow out of proportion, or big things which all of a sudden seem mighty funny to her, that makes you wanna scream, " I am serious !!!! Will you please listen ?"... They turn into total children... As much as I enjoy and laugh along with her during her tantrums, it would be a gross injustice if I didn't mention that it does get on my nerves sometimes.

You feel sad for her, deteriorating health-wise. And you want to help her... But when she throws such a tantrum regarding something, that makes you wanna say, "Ok ! You know what... I guess I don't have to do this at all. Guess you have everything under control after all... ". Asking me to do things, and then doing them herself, because I didn't jump up the very moment the order was uttered and sprint to finish the job. Just because, I am tired myself and had just put my legs up, and sat as comfortably as possible after a long day...

Mothers ! As much as they are exciting, they are exasperating, at times !

But at the end, We can't live without them either, can we? I sure can't !!

My Dear Friend !

2008-05-19T13:10:00.000-07:00

Where do they start ?
Where do they end?
When will I ever forget...
How I met you my dear friend !

Time has flown past.
Memories galore !
But how long will they remain...
For a year, or for more ?

Wise are the ones ...
That keep their minds open
Coz' when the friend leaves ...
It is bound to be broken.

But how do we get through
All this heartbreak and pain
I guess I would just have to start...
All over again !

Exhilarating...

2008-05-15T23:52:00.000-07:00

Nothing short of that word, could explain better about how it felt... Nokia Express Music Voice Hunt...

I remember my first time, when I was on that stage singing before thousands of contestants and being turned down by the judge then(Pop Shalini) cause I sounded a lot like her. I would be lying if I said I took it all in my stride. It did hurt a lot...

But I guess I just grew up.. and when this show appeared again, with a tinge of unease I went and auditioned for it, all the time telling myself, " I'm not going to get selected anyway so what's the big deal !! " But when they called me for the second round, it came as a shock ! I couldn't make up my mind till the last minute, whether I did want to put myself through the torture of getting turned down again. But then I decided.. What the heck ! Life goes on... and I went anyways. This time, as cool as I was outwardly, I was shaking inside. And it showed when I got on that stage and started to sing. I had people pointing and laughing at the way the microphone in my hand was quivering while I sang... And at the end, the judge(Suresh Peters) only had to say, " I'm surprised ". Musing over whether it was a good one or a bad one, I walked off the stage...

When the ordeal was over, and I was trying to cool myself off, I remember... Craig(The SS Music VJ - he is almost their mascot... It is like SS Music - Craig.. Craig - SS Music) walking up to me and saying, " Dont worry ! You did well... Just let it go... What are you so worried about ? "... I went through the entire program with the team, till they packed up. My day ended, talking to Pooja (Another VJ of SS Music) . We had a nice chat ! Very nice person and a very beautiful lady ! SS Music...where do you find people like these ??

To all my surprise and consternation, I did get through to the next round. I was positive that I wouldn't, that I din't have the style or look that it required... But hey ! Who am I to judge ? I doing bad up until now anyways... Here, I was informed that the crew was coming home to shoot an individual interview of the contestants with the family.. Due to various reasons and considering the fact that I live in a godforsaken village, the team couldn't make it.

So we were invited for a shoot, in VGP Universal Kingdom. The seven standouts, who hadn't finished the interview yet... I would like to take a minute to mention every one of them... Shyama, Ravi, Sonali, Jitha, Waja, Al Rufian(Sorry if I have your name wrong buddy..lemme know ! will correct it..) and Saurav. We had a ball ! Craig at his usual best, the team was helpful, lively and a lot of fun to be with... They kept pulling stunts that had us all in splits most of the time... I lost in one of the games we played and was asked to sing to the statue of a monkey(Ahem ! A boy monkey... in a state of total undress...Ahem !) God ! it was embarassing, and fun. I wouldn't probably have done anything more crazier in my whole life and I loved it...

Jitha with his Papa Jetty color Shirt... Saurav with his Grasim Mr. India muscles, Sonali with her Fritney Fspears... Shyama with her three heroes(Waja, Saurav and Jitha..) A wonderful pot-pourri of people we were and I enjoyed every single moment I spent with these wonderful people...

This post is an ode to all those people, who made my day a LOT more special than it was bound to be... Thanks to Rehan.. who gave it a great start in the morning. Man ! We laugh too much....

And a special mention to the camera men.. Mr. Saravanan and Mr. Tamizh ! Mr. Surya, The Producer Mr. Nithil, Mr. Aswin, The girl(I am sorry I dint ask you for your name...) everyone...who were so patient with us, while we goofed around... Thanks guys ! You are the best...

I am really looking forward for the next round... and when I think about it, I remember what Craig says at the end of every episode of Voice hunt.. That going on that stage and singing, the best part is not the winning but the experience. I have to say...

Amen to that !

The Bane To Blogging...

2008-05-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

The moment I decide to do something…I see an inevitable hurdle always pops out of nowhere. I have seen this happen, every single time, I make a crucial decision. Call it fate, or just sheer luck, but I Swear it happens !! The minute I wrote that I need to blog everyday; pop went out my phone lines and my broadband along with it. Been out of sync for a week.

After cursing BSNL for like the zillionth time (for those who don’t know, this is the highest used phone subscriber in all of India) and since it is the only subscriber available in the godforsaken village I live in, I resign to fate and accept that I have to stop the blogging. At least till I can post what I write… That is till I get the connection.

Sad but very true story ! I hate you BSNL !

About Blogging...

2008-05-09T21:32:00.000-07:00

Something I want to do on a regular basis. Something I think I should always be doing. Like sleeping, or eating :)... Something I know I wish to improve on, by using you guys as scapegoats ( yeah ! I am talking about you....The one who is reading this post !)...

Something I want to take up seriously.. Something which provides relief like no other, a great vent to all my feelings... Something that is a source of pride, when I see it commented about ( Good or bad ! It shows that someone had the patience to read it completely )...

Something I am doing now ! And wish to keep doing....

Disco Debacle !!!

2008-05-09T13:39:00.000-07:00

My brother, who laughed his a**(forgive my French) off on this story, asked me to blog it quite sometime back. But dint find the time to do it. So here it is now bro...

Ok ! I give up ! I concede to the fact that I have never been to a disco before. Oh yes ! I am 24 and in a time where night life is thriving, here is a strange being who's never been to one. Or this is how I was treated, whenever I told people that I have never been to one. I had this strong resolve to go to a disco, one to shut the wagging tongues out for good and two, coz I really do enjoy dancing !

So, the plan formed on this wonderfully late Sunday evening, when a colleague of mine, asked to take me and another girl friend out for dinner, coz it was her Marriage anniversary. This colleague of mine was a Disco virgin too, and we in our unending quest to go to one..finally chose dinner over it and after a lot of speculation and phone calls and enquiries, decided to go to Le Flame in Le Meridien (one of the top notch hotels in Chennai, Tamilnadu). And oh ! the efforts we put into finding out if this were the right place. We wanted our first experience to be good !

So, I went back home, all jittery and excited to get all dressed for my Ultimate Disco experience. I dressed in the most classy top I could lay my hands on (all my mom didn't do was catcall ! Whew!) , my mom wishing me luck as if I was going to the Boston Tea Party !

So finally, all of us got together at the girl's place(the one who was taking us out..listen to the story..come on !) . Counting heads, it was the girl, her husband, our mutual girl friend and yours truly ! Four of us ! All whoopy and excited about the disco (thankfully, the other girlfriend was mellow..coz she wasnt a rookie..) ..

Driving twoz on our mo-bikes, we made it to the discotheque', my adrenaline at its peak as we entered. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that women had free entry to any disco anywhere, which seemed like a pretty cool rule to me ! So happily, joking and tripping each other...we went down to the dance floor !

Opening the door, bracing ourselves for the jam inside, we walked in and our smiles froze !

The floor was completely empty but for the four of us and the bartender to the side !

I turned and looked daggers at the husband and muttered, "You did this on purpose, didn't you ?" He swore on his life and love that he did not. What we did not know, was it being a Sunday, was not a great day for people to get sloshed and get high on dancing. Bad timing ! Dejected and all let out of air, we finally got our great disco experience, just the four of us....having sandwiches on the bar... dancing alone like idiots ....

Jeez ! for all the planning in the world !!!

A Kindred Soul !

2008-05-09T13:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life, you come across people who strike deep chords in your heart. Bang out of nowhere do they appear and we are blindsided. Such coincidences we see between the two of us, it is eerie to even think about. But hey ! who am I to comment !

Met a kindred soul today ! We share so many similarities, yet we are so different. We hardly know each other, yet we share a certain comfort.

Hard to put to words, harder to understand... The Mysterious ways of life !

CLICK !!

2007-11-26T21:43:00.000-08:00

I am pretty sure, a lot of us, at some point in life, have wondered. What if life has a rewind button? Wish I could go back on time and replay all the good parts. Meet the people, who meant so much to us at one point. Relive all the good times.

Channel surfing, I came upon this movie last night. It was called “CLICK”. Adam Sandler was always one of my favorites. It is not what we would call a great, thought provoking movie. Just an entertainer. But it was fun to watch. Christopher Walken ends up giving Sandler a remote control to his life. The remote control allows him to fast forward the unwanted (or so he considers) parts of his life. Rewind and see the parts he wants to see. At one point, the remote control which learns by experience automatically starts fast forwarding the parts he considered unwanted. He skips to fights, romantic encounters with his wife, promotions. Sometimes, he skips 6 years at one stretch. Finally he wakes up and finds it a dream. But he realizes that he has been given his life back and decides to live it the way he wants and not immerse himself in other things.

The movie was fun to watch and also set me thinking in the same direction. What has happened has happened. You don’t want to go and relive it again, as much as you think about it. When you were there, you probably hated being there. So just let life take you the way you want and learn to live everyday for the now.

Cheers !

Armageddon !

2007-11-24T03:10:00.000-08:00

The finality of this word has always rendered me with awe. I have always wondered, if this were to happen, how would it be? We have had enough number of movies come up that depicts various kinds of ways this could happen. But… When? How? We don’t have any answers. I guess all of us sleep peacefully every night, hoping to wake up the next morning and go about life as usual. But I sometimes feel, what if there is no tomorrow? Have I done what I wanted to do today? Have I given what I wanted to give? Have I done everything I wanted to do? The answer will most certainly be no. But to date, everything we have done, have we done justice to everything we did? We waste life away everyday on trivialities. We worry, we cry. We think, life is so unfair ! We think life cannot be any more worse than this. We spend time on things that are pointless, on people who don’t mean anything to us most of the time. But it is all worth it? If there is no tomorrow, are these the things, we would want to be doing today? Do you want to waste it away worrying about things or people, who at the end don’t mean a thing to you? Do we want to waste life away, thinking it is going to get no better. Life I have always believed is a full circle. If you are happy today, sorrow is bound to follow. And if you are sad today, don’t worry ! Happiness is bound to follow too. Life is like that ! I end up having a multitude of questions, when life takes me in different directions. But at the end, I only ask myself this question. Do I want to do this? Is this what I want to do for the rest of my very short, very precious life? Do I want to waste it away, worrying about the car that broke down, on the pendant that I lost, or the money that went down the drain? Or do I want to move on and make sure I get it all back someday? If I happen to have anymore of them left. I guess life is all about choices. Now do I choose to Live? Or do I choose to compromise for the rest of my life?

You have your choice too !

Precious !!!

2007-11-21T23:18:00.000-08:00

Life is so short...
So sweet
So momentous
So frail

Life is so short...
So volatile
So hard
So strained

Life is so short...
So little happiness
So little pain

So precious
So quick
Live life to your fullest
Make it big !

The Lonely Valley !!

2007-11-20T23:47:00.000-08:00

Down the lonely valley…

A light at the end of the tunnel…

It is an inevitable path…

That we all walk…

We talk about it…

Dream…

We worry about it…

Scream…

Motivation !

It brings the feeling…

Fear !

It pushes you forward…

Walk the walk…

You will have to someday…

So stop talking about it…

LIVE your life, this day !

On Cloud Nine ??!! - Part Two

2007-11-19T02:56:00.000-08:00

Long back I had promised to write about my return trip from Bombay. My second trip onboard an airplane. Ironically, my first experience of an airplane, was with Kingfisher Airlines, which was smooth. Usually, the first time is the scariest and usually turns out to be the worst. On the contrary, my return journey was sickening comparing the onward. My return flight was booked with Indian Airlines. Being a soft skills trainer, your time is never yours when you train. We were training in Bombay that day. Hours flew by and it was time for us to leave the session. We had to excuse ourselves early (we were attending a train the trainer, thankfully) and flew out of the room to change from the encumbering saris to comfortable jeans. We practically ran out of the building at 6.30pm to catch an 8pm flight, which normally we are expected to check in by 7pm.

The driver of the rick that we took, unfortunately, didn’t know his way around the city and got lost in the traffic. When we finally landed up at the airport, the time was 7.30pm. We ran all the way to the counter, got our boarding passes and crossed security check at record time. We reached the boarding gate (which was displayed on the board next to our flight number), gasping and puffing at 7.55pm and were informed that the flight was delayed by two hours and would leave only at 10pm. Surprisingly this information was not given to us anywhere, while we were making our frenzied way to the boarding gate.

Cursing the whole airline system under our breaths, we made our way to the waiting room seats. Not wanting to lug our bags around through security check again, my friend and I took turns using the bathroom and grabbing some dinner. Each time, we went through the security check to get our dinner and back in, we were persuaded by the now-ever-so-caring security guards to wait outside, since the flight was delayed. Both of us took turns informing them, that there was a friend waiting with our bags downstairs. Eventually, I went and got my friend and myself, a pair of books to keep us occupied. Finally, the boarding was announced at 10.30pm (half hour late still...) and we waited another fifteen minutes only to escape the manic crowd pushing and prodding each other past the boarding gate.

Finally, we got ourselves into our seats at 11pm. Ever had the feeling, when you are really tired, when everything starts seeming mighty funny. We were so tired, that’s what happened to the two of us. We were laughing like idiots at every small thing we came across. The flight instructions, the cute attendant who was staring at my friend everything threw us in fits of laughter. This made the attendant, so uncomfortable, that he actually asked if something was the matter. We laughed our heads off for that question too, shaking our heads for his question. Finally dinner arrived. Indian Airlines food is always known of as the worst in the airline industry and I saw for a fact that they stuck to their reputation. We were sick of it by the time we were through the stale chapatti and dry food.

Dessert, we found was a black round ball we couldn’t identify. A small bite of it and I realized it was a Gulab-jamun (A Bengali sweet). But it was so hard; it could easily pass off for a cork ball. I was so annoyed with the service (showing attitude already on my second time on a flight!!) that I called the cute attendant who kept staring at my friend and actually requested him to throw the sweet against the window. He looks at me puzzled. I told him I wanted to see if it actually bounced, since it surely resembled a cork ball. The attendant, embarrassed, explained that it was Taj caterers (one of the best caterers in India) who provided the food. But it was still so bad. So he excused himself. The rest of the journey was pretty much uneventful, except for my friend snoring loudly on my shoulder and the cute attendant, sitting across the aisle and staring at her.

We got off the flight at 12.30pm, got into our respective vehicles and waved ourselves off. Since then I have travelled plenty of times on a flight. But these first two times, will always remain in my memory. It is probably, the best in-flight experience I have had. In memoriam of the good times I had, as the Kingfisher Slogan goes.

For the Good times !!

Emotions !!!

2007-11-18T07:57:00.000-08:00

A touch of love..

A drop of passion..

A pinch of affection..

An inch of compassion..

A ripple of hope..

A peek of desire..

A sliver of care..

A snap of fire..

A slice of heart..

A piece of life..

A filler of tears..

A bind of strife..

Such a mixture..

Of laughter and tears..

Thus are our emotions..

Love and Life !!

Chak De ! India

2007-11-16T18:46:00.000-08:00

In-Di-A !!

Three syllables, which is an integral part of every Indian. Very few I have seen, feel proud of it. I know as a country, we have our own downsides. But hey ! its my country anyway. And I love it.

And of late, A movie that came back to reinforce that spirit in me, was Chak De ! India. The movie left an urge in me to move my mighty butt(forgive my language !) out of my seat and do something. Life is a lot more than work, lazing around, TV and books. I regret not having continued playing Hockey and Basketball, which I learnt in school. I regret not having continued the dancing that I used to do at one point. To let go of a talent, which could have done wonders to you. Besides that, I have always been a die hard Sharukh fan. Though his Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna, failed to impress me, I have been waiting since, for a Good Sharukh Khan entertainer. And this time, Sharukh has outdone himself again. Kabir Khan down to his toes. A very casual, decently underplayed, wonderfully done character. Another character in the movie that impressed me, was Bindiya Naik( I don't know her real name tho'..). Attitude in every nerve, even when she turns back and becomes the girl she is, it isn't too offensive to watch. Every character in the movie is well etched. Every character stands for a reason and the whole set, makes the movie as it is.

After Rang De Basanti, which left a deep welt in everyone's heart in India, including mine, Chak De ! has breezed through and won all our hearts again !! Even my mom, who doesn't get Hindi all that much, enjoyed it thoroughly. I was laughing at her enthusiasm, when she went GOAL!!! whenever there was one made in the movie.

A movie well made ! Hats off to Sharukh, the girls and the crew !!

Chak DE !! India

(A Knife..)Through my Heart !!

2007-11-16T03:52:00.001-08:00

Walking down the long stretch..
Moonlight touching my hair..
I am thinking what happened..
I don't know for sure, I swear !

It looked like love to me..
And that is what I was told.
It increases day by day.
It grows tenfold !

I have learned to live..
With your memories here..
Considering you all mine !

Baby I dint realize..
Not for a moment down..
That I was being such a swine !

That little nod of your head..
That reassuring hug..
That crooked little smile of yours..
Made me think really big.

Love is not what it seems..
It isn't naked to the eye.
You taught me honey..You taught me well.
What is it to lie !

No I wont trust again.
Not ever again, all my life.
I might be an idiot..
But I wont let another stick a knife !

I Can Go The Distance !!

2007-10-18T21:28:00.000-07:00

I have often dreamed, of a far off place...
Where a hero's welcome, would be waiting for me...
Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face...
And a voice keeps saying, This is where I'm meant to be.

I'll be there someday, I Can Go The Distance !
I will find my way, if I can be strong...
I know ev'ry mile, will be worth my while...
When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong.

Down an unknown road, to embrace my fate...
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you...
And a thousand years, would be worth the wait...
It might take a lifetime, but somehow I'll see it through...

And I won't look back, I Can Go The Distance !
And I'll stay on track, no, I won't accept defeat...
It's an uphill slope, but I won't lose hope...
Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete.

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part...
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart.

Like a shooting star, I Will Go The Distance !
I will search the world, I will face its' harms...
I don't care how far, I Can Go The Distance !
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms...

I will search the world, I will face its harms...
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms...

Written and Sung by Michael Bolton.

Volatile !

2007-10-18T05:07:00.000-07:00

I am surprised how feelings can be so volatile. One minute, you feel something about one person and the next minute, it is gone. People say, time and again, that love and friendship are forever. But it doesn't look that way. Sometimes, we are happy with our glasses half full, sometimes we see our glasses half empty, though the latter happens a lot.

However hard you love a person, the minute you know, that the person has deceived you or lied to you, the feelings seem to diminish. Again, I guess they don't vanish completely. Over time, maybe you learn to forgive them. But for the time being, you seem not to be able to stand them whatsoever. And when time passes by, and you are able to forgive them, you find them too far out of reach.

Ironically, I see we get more attached to material things. A pen, a mobile phone, a favorite dress.. we find it hard to let go. We yearn for stuff that we can never have. I don't say we don't yearn for people or relationships..but material yearnings are always on a high.

So Dark the Con of Man...

So Unfathomable ..The Desires of Man !

Are we still human ??

2007-10-10T22:12:00.000-07:00

It is a busy Thursday Morning. The time is 9.20. Crossing the busy main roads is a circus event truly. Music accompanies me on my shuffle as I try to traverse through the chaos. And all I can hear, dotting my music are the honks of the vehicles and a lone siren. The wail of an ambulance siren. Persistent as it may be, it stimulates an unease in me immediately. I shut off the music, cause it seems so indecent to be even listening to it, while someone out there is suffering. I ease out of the way, wanting the ambulance to pass and wait for the siren to diminish. But I can still hear the persistent wail. I was waiting for the people around me to clear and let the ambulance pass. But, I was shocked to see, that people were actually trying to race across the ambulance and in front of it, because the siren clears the way for the people to move quicker through the traffic.

The first thought that occurred to me was - What is wrong with all these people? Cant they hear the siren? Dont they feel the unease that I feel? Have all of us suddenly turned deaf and blind? What happened to words like Humanity and Compassion? Is this where we are all headed ? Is there even a bit of humanness left in us to actually stop and think and see and help all that is happening around us? Or have we all become so immersed in lives, that the wail of a siren, which demands attention towards the serious condition of a fellow human being, has become so mundane to us? Will we be doing the same thing, if the person in the ambulance were our near and dear ones?

What has happened to humanity and compassion? Did all those people who taught us these words and gave their lives to this cause, die a meaningless death? I Wonder !

God help us !!

Fear !!

2007-10-10T19:06:00.000-07:00

A word that is common to all of us. A weird feeling, that we experience, and understand very late. A feeling, that could be categorized as intuition, instinct or just plain gripping fear ! It is a general question that pops up when you talk to anyone or be with someone for a long time. What are you scared of ? What scares you the most ? Sometimes we play around with people's fears and sometimes, we fear them as well and learn to empathize.

What is fear tho' ? I have always had this question nagging the back of my mind. Fear to me, is not being scared of a thing or phenomenon. I have been inquisitive. I have had the fear of the unknown as they say. The jitters that happen cause of not knowing towards what or where we are headed. People have asked me this question. What scares you the most ? The fear of losing someone. Completely or to circumstances. Either way, I have always been scared of losing them. Another fear, which probably a lot of you might share, is the fear of disease. I have never wanted to be weak and dependent on someone, cause of a disease. Otherwise, the biggest fear of mine, have been insects. Wasps, cockroaches etc..

Some people ask me, aren't you scared of death ? Of dying ? When you fear the unknown, why aren't you scared of death ? Of Ghosts ? Of After life ? True, these are unknown to me. But these are things that interest me or rather, I'm curious about. They have failed to scare me though. Ghosts, I don't know if they exist. I would like to find out. Death, as I have come to understand, is something that everyone of us have to go through. No matter what ! So why be scared of it ? I go by the adage - " Live everyday, like your last. Someday you will be right". I guess that applies to our fears as well. When we learn to live everyday of our lives as our last, then why be afraid of anything at all ?

So, tell me. What are you scared of ?

Classroom !

2007-10-05T09:51:00.000-07:00

The Paatshaala of Life
Teaches us Life and Death
Ecstacy and Agony
Karma and Nirvana

No better teacher
Do we find anyday anywhere
Gives us horizons
That we change or cross

The Paatshala of Life
That has taught me all the stuff
That I have always needed to know
Waiting to learn more...

Touching Tunes

2007-10-02T21:48:00.000-07:00

The tunes that have started coming up in Indian movies have definitely become different. Gone seem to be the times, when music from movies was nothing but a lot of noise. Except for a few geniuses like Ilayaraja and A.R. Rahman, the rest of the music sounded like gibberish.

But some of the songs of recent times, I have noticed, don’t just sound good but imbibe themselves into your system. A few good examples are Pogaadhe from the Tamil movie Deepavali, Pesugiren from the Tamil Movie Satham Podadhey and Saiyaan Ve from the Hindi Movie Tara Rum Pum. You can’t call these songs essentially Pathos. But these rhythms have such a soul in it, that they attach themselves to yours.

These songs have become a part of my daily routine and just humming them along…makes me feel better.

Try them. Maybe you will feel the same way too !

A Few Chords...

2007-09-18T04:17:00.000-07:00

A few lines here and there, strike chords so deep down in your heart, it evokes a weird feeling. Like the lines in the Tamizh movie Samurai, which I gather are from a Communist's autobiography.. I beg forgiveness for reproducing them in English because I am bad at Tamizh blogging. But I wanted to share them nevertheless...

Erimalaigal vedithu sidharum pozhudhu
Oru sila pookalum karuguvadhundu
Ulagathai azhikkum nachchu kaadugal eriyum pozhudhu
Oru sila paravai koodugalum kalaivadhundu
Idhu vazhkaiyin thavirka mudiyaadha needhi aagum

I wouldn't call the feeling these lines evoke to be patriotism, because it doesn't relate. It is a weird feeling. Likewise, the lines in the song from Anbe Sivam, which goes..

Karaigal thoonga virumbinalum alaigal viduvadhillai
Marangal oivai virumbinalum kaatru viduvadhillai
Odi odi olindha pozhudhum vaazhkai viduvadhillai

I am awestruck by the genius that goes into writing such lines. It rings so true, its undeniable.

I guess Life is like that too...

Kanne Kalai Maane…

2007-08-31T00:49:00.000-07:00

Tears !

They have always followed, whenever I listen to this number. Not because of the melancholy it holds, but the memories. Of the nights, I have spent trying to sleep listening to the rendition from my brother.

Kannadasan, has managed not only to capture the feeling, but the mood of the listener in his words as well. Ilayaraja, being the true genius he is, found just the right mix to tune it to. Not to mention less, Yesudas, with the voice of an angel, spreads his magic through our veins with his voice.

Time and Again, as many times as I have listened to this song, it fails to bore me. Even today, while I channel surf on the television or flick through the radio waves, I go on an automatic standstill whenever I hear the now very familiar tune.

For people, who haven’t experienced what I have, maybe it takes time to find your own song. The one that connects to you from your soul. This song did that to me.

Someday you will find yours too !

Marriage !

2007-08-31T00:42:00.000-07:00

Heading towards one’s own ruin, happily is what my idea of marriage has always been. We have so many debates that run about how marriages are becoming more and more unsuccessful day after day. Everyone argues that people, who fall in love before marriage and get married, tend to succeed more than marriages that are arranged.

I have seen many of them. Successful as well as failed marriages. Being a by-product of one this kind, I have always wondered how people voluntarily walk right into the trap knowing how it is going to be. Now I am not saying everyone should learn to live alone. Heck, I don’t want to be one of the reasons for human extinction.

However Love and Marriage, have always been strangely alien to me. To me love has always been to like a person so much, you would be ready to do anything for him/her. Now I don’t have to marry this person to be in love with him/her, do I ? This person could be my mom, my brother, my friend, my acquaintance or a colleague. Getting to know people, enjoying their company, spending time with them and my extensions have ended with that. Never have they led to the extent of marriage.

Successful marriages, as I understand, are probably marriages that hold a lot of understanding and compromise, rather than love. Yes it takes love too, a bit maybe. But mostly the aforesaid two. I believe marriages tend to fail, when either one of these slip, between both of the partners. It is not a one-way street. You cannot expect one person to understand and compromise all the way. Doesn’t happen. When you let your egos and chauvinisms rule, I guess thats when the marriage goes straight down the drain.

One other factor I have noted is the responsibility. True, the lady of the house holds prime importance in nurturing the family. That doesn’t stop the man being the man of the house as well. If it is meant for a man to be only a provider, we’d rather go to an ATM machine. When we begin to share everything, and I mean everything and share it wisely and fairly, that’s when the marriage works and such a family is bliss to watch.

I have always envied being in the midst of families like this. Wondered if I could every make a marriage, if I get into one, work like this. The warmth and happiness that such homes carry are hardly found. But Hey ! Life has never been right or perfect has it ? We also have marriages with all the sugar and spice and everything nice. And yes, it is a treat to watch such families too.

I wonder !

On Cloud Nine ??!!

2007-08-23T03:56:00.001-07:00

I have come across this familiar adage, and always related it to the adrifting feel of happiness...

But really being on Cloud Nine... It it something that I had'nt experienced. Not until my trip to Bombay..

Small solace it was, when I heard my colleague was supposed to accompany on my first flight. But my castles came tumbling down, when I heard she was about to leave a day early. Filled with a lot of apprehension, I walked down to the departures aisle, looking for the Kingfisher Tag somewhere to lead me the right way. A neatly dressed young man approached me and asked me politely, if I was to board the Kingfisher flight to Bombay. No sooner did I nod my head, he grabbed my bag and started walking, moving swiftly through the crowd. Dumbstruck, I ran tag-wise behind him to see him lead me through the gates, to the boarding pass counter. A little relieved that I was in safe hands, I requested the guy at the counter to point me along the route I needed to take to get to the airplane and informed him that it was my first time.

Informing me that I needed to take a security check, he pointed towards what I understood to be a conveyer belt system to scan the luggage as it went through. I walked to the conveyer and noticed a screen on top of it displaying warnings, banning a lot of items which I knew for a fact that I was carrying. I panicked and tried to retreat from the line, when the security waved me off, saying it was ok. I understood that it is still India and here, everything goes.

I breezed through the security check, and there were was another polite helper on the other end,who walked me right into the airplane. Weird but pleasant experience to sit next to a total stranger, staring at the screen in front, where lovely Yana Gupta, gave the flight instructions in a nice sorta dance.

The lift-off, something I dreaded, was about to happen. The stories I heard from a whole lot of people about Air Sickness and Ear Blocking, all came back to me in a rush. I panicked, desperately looking around for an Air Sickness bag, which I was told, might be available on board. Then I asked the cute Air Hostess and she did show me where it was.

It was a weird feeling, like someone sitting on top of you. A little uneasy, a little stuffy..but all was well and I was on my way, happy enough that I did not fall prey to the Airsickness after all.

Pretty much a smooth flight from there. Pleasant people, decent enough food and music to listen too and a lot of staring and looking around for me, considering its my first time. I didn't budge from my seat, a queasy feeling, that the flight might actually crash if I walk through it. Stupid, I know ! But Seriously !! Thats how I felt.

Bombay it was.. an hour later. I was airplane savvy by then and the landing dint affect me much, though I couldn't pretty much hear what my room-mate was saying till the morning next day. My ears were completely blocked.

But my flight back...That is another story altogether..

On my next post...

For What It Is Worth..

2007-08-23T03:39:00.000-07:00

Chrysalis...

A place that introduced me to a new dimension. Gave me a new venture to life. Made atleast one of my dreams come true. I look back at it now, with all the gratitude and all the remorse that it gave me. Some wonderful people I met and some useful lessons that I learnt. Some mistakes that I made as well.

This post is a dedication to all the people who have walked in and walked out of my life. To the people who were good enough to stay and to the people I had no choice but to leave behind. Leaving a company behind always gave me a plethora of guilt, but here the guilt was restricted to one friend that I did leave behind and not to the whole company.

For what it is worth, it has taught me how the corporate world can be and how to work your way through the obstacles and keep pushing forward to get where you want to go..

Farewell !

Life As It Is...

2007-08-23T02:50:00.000-07:00

A lifetime of happiness

A world of loneliness

A decade of smiles

A barrage of tears

Filled with life

Emptiness too at times..

Laughing till the tummy hurts

Crying till the tears dry out

A roller coaster of emotions

A wide wide world..

Yet so small and so round

So many things..Lost and Found !

Thus is my life..

A chapter unto itself

I bide through it valiantly

All by myself !

Those tiny little fingers...

2007-08-21T03:23:00.000-07:00

A smile, a small whimper, the little giggles... it gives us a lifetime of happiness just watching a baby grow. No matter, if the kid if your own or not...there is nothing that plucks at your heart strings more than watch a baby go about doing all the things that it does..

Its hard not think of how you cannot smile when you see the innocent smile of a youngin' looking at you with all the innocence in the world framed in its baby eyes. It breaks a barrier in us, that I dont think any living soul in the world could lead into..And makes it a truly God-Given.

It changes our world. Life seems to take up more responsibility but becomes so much more happier. The feeling of the little fingers curled around your own, holding you with all the faith in the world knowing that you will take care of it and believing in you like no one else would. That complete faith, that trust, that innocence is what probably make babies so special.

Life is filled with a lot of trials and tribulations and they say happiness comes to you in small packages. I guess the small packages do walk and talk and depend on you with all their heart, expecting you to be there for them and take care of them. Enjoy the experience with all your heart, coz they are very few and they dont happen all the time.. For the people who havent experienced it yet.. Wait and wish for it.. Have faith in it and when it comes..Believe in it and enjoy it...

With all your heart ....

A New Lease to Life...

2007-07-29T00:29:00.000-07:00

A couple of days...A whole load of things..New and Old..An explosion of memories..Something that has changed in me.. I am not able to put a finger on it. For the good or worse..I call myself turned into a NEW LEAF..

Whenever..I came across this particular saying..I use to wonder what it really meant. Now turning into one, has probably taught me all about it. A new job, a new lease to life and a new look towards the future.

The past few days in life, has taught me what life could really be. What we could or could not do with it. What is the extent to which life can go, to bring your head out of the clouds. Like my email footer states, I have learned to live in the Now and Be the Now.

Desperately clutching onto the last strings of hope, my life has become what we call, the last ray of hope. I am wishing to go forward in life and see what the Almighty has in store for me, rather than expect for it or live for it...

Amen !

A Sabbatical..

2007-03-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

My most favorite sitcom on tv, has always been "Friends" and one particular episode, comes to my mind when I think of my situation now. There is an episode, where Ross is sent home from work(basically fired..) on a sabbatical, to control his temper.

Well I could call my time off now that...A Sabbatical. Time to retrospect, time to face new situations and deal with old mistakes.

Sometimes, the surprises that Life throws, makes me feel so small. Makes me wonder, how unimaginably huge this world this and how totally involved we become with our own lives to realise this.

I guess...this is God's own way of asking me to take a break !

To think, to temper, to evolve...

Three things..

2006-11-22T11:15:00.000-08:00

While writing this essay for a friend, about me actually, it struck me how true it actually is..so I decided to post it here.. So here goes..

Three things I would like to change about myself, and why?

Being a critic has always been an easy job, when it comes to pointing out where the other person’s mistake lies. It’s easier when there is no speculation you have to make or u don’t have to be diplomatic in any sense. But when it comes to picking on your self for a change, finding faults in one’s own self and trying to criticize it, I think is a harder task.

Well I just wanted to see how good I am at it. First of all, is the process of sitting down and thinking what I don’t like about me? Why wouldn’t I like myself? I do, in every which way possible. But thinking deep down inside, I would probably want to change, the way I think about things, the way I react to things and the way I do certain things. Hey that’s pretty much what I do in all!! I do hear you saying that. But let me explain.

I would probably want to change, the way I think about people when it comes to judging them. I should probably wait till I know them really well. As a person, as a friend or generally as human being, before I start judging them. I think I make those decisions pretty quickly and end up trusting the wrong kind of people and mistrusting the right ones. So I should probably try and change that way of thinking.

Second of all, I would probably want to change the way I react to things. I came across this great email a couple of days back, which generally gave me a drift, as to way I probably should be reacting to things. This email stated that 10 percent of things that happen in my life happen without my control. It could be a power failure, a vehicle breakdown, or a phone line that goes down unexpectedly. But 90 percent of the things that happen to me happen only due to the way I react to things. Just the way I react to any problem, be it big or small, early in the morning, decides how the rest of my day is going to be. If I decide to spoil my mood early in the morning, screaming at people and cursing all the way, that’s how it is going to be for the rest of the day, isn’t it? Therefore, affecting the rest of my day. So in a way, I influence how my day is going to be, by reacting or not reacting to a bad or good situation, at any point of time. There’s no use crying over spilt milk, is there?

Third of all, if there is something I would really like to change, it’s the way I do things. Most of the time, I try to do something, I find myself saying I don’t have time. Though whether I have or don’t have time, depends on the thing I want to do. One thing I know I know I haven’t been doing is giving time to people who actually need it. I find time to spend with my friends, that I should say happens most of the time, my family too, which I do whenever I find time. But one thing I haven’t been doing is spending time for people who need it. I am not talking about charity here. I know a lot of people considering spending money for charity to be a large-hearted gesture, I have thought so too sometimes. But come to think of it, or even after the experiences I have had, I sure don’t think so. I think spending time is more important and is by far, more large-hearted than anything else. Because, I think all the people who live in the downs, orphans and homeless people, the money that you give, would probably take them through that one day, maybe even a month, or a year at the maximum. But the time you spend with these people stays alive in their hearts forever. Rather than spending money in large bags or getting them stuff to eat or clothe, spending time is much more important, because it makes a big difference, if not for you, it does for them. So I should probably change the way I spend or waste time, thinking I am being charitable and actually work to help these people and be charitable for a change.

Well there you go! I did find three things, I actually think I should change. But I have to accept it, I am a normal human being, I might not be able to change all these right away, maybe not even be able to accept them as faults after all. To err is human isn’t it? But I know, if not today, I should try and change these things, for my own betterment. I think so.

What say you ?!

A Walk in the Rain...

2006-10-29T18:12:00.000-08:00

RAIN !! The first thing that would come to my mind when I hear this word is Fun ! I dont know why ! A lot of people, associate this word with various things. But to me, Rain has always been FUN !! Be it the small pitter patter, to the roaring and pouring rain, I just love it !

When the teacher in school used to teach us, Rain Rain go away, I remember wondering why would they want to send away something, which is so much fun ! It is still afresh in my memories, the days in school, when two of my closest friends and I used to actually put our school bags on the perfectly ok bicycle and push it all the way home, just to get drenched to our souls in the rain. And we used to go home and lie, that the cycle was under repair. Rain, has also given me a cleansing effect at times ! When I see rain , or I play in it, I have this feeling like all my sorrows have been washed away ! Makes me feel lighter, better ! Which is why I enjoy the rain so much to say I LOVE it !!

But when I gave it a lot of thought, it dawned on me, that it could be because Rain is actually so related to our childhood..Even as adults when we play in the rain, our onlookers would probably tell us to stop acting like kids, right ? I remember reading this poem, again in school, that was named "Leisure". This poem asked us to take time sometimes to stop and smell the roses ! Which is true, isnt it ? How many of us, actually find the time to sit down for two minutes and actually enjoy things around us or even look around ourselves ? How many of us, take a walk, just for the sake of taking a walk and not going anywhere ? How many of us, even when we are travelling, in a car, or bus or bike, look out of the window and love just watching things, rather than be completely preoccupied with something else ? How many of us, spend time even listening to a song, not just for the heck of it, but to actually listen to it ?

I truly believe, or so you would have seen in my previous posts, that there's a kid inside us, who we are actually killing day after day. We blame people for our unhappiness, stress and we go to counsellers, psychiatrists and what not. But according to me, I think the solution lies inside each of us. If we could just spend time to stop and smell the roses, like the poem states, maybe we would solve a lot of problems.

Or maybe you should try the rain, like I do..If you dont have time to stop and smell the roses, you should probably take ..

A Walk in the Rain !

A Lonely Diwali !!

2006-10-24T16:48:00.000-07:00

Going over my friend's blog about her Diwali deja vu, somehow struck a chord in me. I would'nt have probably written this, had it not been for her story. So Rama, here you go babe. My share of the story...

Diwali..The word brings on a flood of memories. I lived in a colony and diwali was a special time when the whole place jus LIT up. Lots of noise, people laughing, the sudden onrush in all the stores and standing in those mile long queues to get some thing billed, all the relatives piling up at home(who normally you never get to see..), the endless litres of oil parents get to empty on ur heads, the fights for the bathrooms at 3am in the morning,the sweets that stifle you, going from one friend's house to another giving sweets that were specially made for diwali, the fights to see who bursts the first cracker which had to be the longest and loudest one to wake up the whole colony, the pranks we used to play by throwing crackers at people(not intentionally..no offense !), the happiness that would emanate with the loud BOOM and people jumping like ten feet away from us and the list would go on and on. Diwali was a day when the whole family got together, my uncles and aunts and cousins and everyone would congregate at our house and spend the day. I remember the bouts of Dumbcharades that use to keep us rolling with laughter at these family get-togethers.

This diwali however was a complete contrast. Or should I say, a lot more silent. The day dawned with me waking up my mom(for a change !) when I got back from work. The oil works start and my bro called me all the way from the US and I got to wish my neice a happy diwali and wish with all my heart that the kid could feel the spirit of diwali that I felt when I was a kid of her age. But thats a wishful thought considering there are not even crackers there for her to burst. And then the usual chores of taking a bath, doing the necessary pooja for the festival and then watching Sun Tv. Around 10 30, unlike the rest of the diwali days, my mom had to leave to my uncle's house because she was in a bad state(healthwise) and couldnt manage the whole family for diwali(Good question..why dint I do it..Because..I dint wish to torture anyone by trying out my cooking on them on such a nice day). I had invited a coupla friends to come home, so we could burst crackers and the usual, but sadly, none of them could make it. Thats when it struck me, that for the first time in my life, I was alone on diwali. It dint feel like the special day it used to be !

So the only useful thing I did after that was, catch up on my sleep, which I did till 7am next morning. 16 hours straight. My diwali was over in my dreams and the crackers(which my bro sent out lovingly as a gift so my diwali wouldnt get ruined) stay untouched..Come to think of it, when I asked the rest of the crowd I knew, how their diwali was, and if they got to burst crackers and stuff, the answer I got was, "Yea diwali was ok..but crackers..naah..we are too old for that now !"

As the saying goes and as Rama quoted... If there is one permanent thing in life, it is CHANGE. And thats not just for life, or circumstances or festivals like these. It is for people as well. With the passage of time, we let the child in us die. We dont find the time or the inclination to do the things that we used to love doing as a kid. How many of us enjoy rain? Remember the days when we use to yearn to take a walk in the pouring rain. Where did that kid in us go? That is probably why festivals arent FESTIVALS anymore. They have become just another holiday !

Sadly, it is so true !

Unsure !!?

2006-10-19T08:17:00.001-07:00

A new place brings on a lot of expectations and disappointments. Just like you feel, you have just stepped into the jungle after being in a zoo, there is an evident disorientation. It makes you feel lost and it takes you enough time to find yourself back. Working and doing what you have to do is one thing, but the ways to do it and finding out the ways and means to get the work done is a totally different thing and the most hardest part even.

Sometimes u end up feeling disregarded and ignored and sometimes, bossed around too much. I guess it’s just the starters of work. As work progresses, your relationships with your co-workers do too. Or so I think !

Everything takes time, I guess this will too..

Special Friends !!

2006-10-17T08:31:00.000-07:00

Things work the way they want to each time. Like the Murphy's Law goes, "When something has to go wrong, it will" , there are few things in life that happens inevitably. How much ever you try to stop it or prevent it, it will happen. No matter what! Sometimes when u read things over the Internet or something in a book, it strikes you to be so true, that you never forget it.

Likewise, there are certain incidents and certain people in life, you can never forget. Come to think of it, your friends form an important part of your life. There are things in life, you would never talk to anyone about, that you would gladly share with your closest friend. They make you laugh, they make you cry and they make you feel like the most loved person in the world. And when things happen to them, though you know you are helpless to help them, it still breaks you and makes you feel guilty for not being able to do anything. It gives you the courage to face anything for this one person and want to protect them with everything you have.

I have had relationships like that, that still stays afresh in my memories. I guess everyone does. There are relationships that you would have always thought would stay alive, till the end of a lifetime, but disappear within a blink of an eye. Friends like these, who would stay in your heart forever, are rare and hard to find. You wish you could hold on to them, but along comes a reason, of why you just cant. There are many people who would mistake such relationships as love, a simple crush, or maybe something more. But it never works that way. A friend will always remain a friend and no matter, how much ever you love a person, the love that you hold for this friend will always be special, be different. You will yearn to spend time with this person, not because you love him/her, or because you want or expect something out of him/her. But only because, you love spending time with him/her and you look to spend time with him/her whenever you can. Because every time you are with him/her, there is this unexplainable feeling of content and happiness you derive from spending time with this person. Even if it were just about half an hour, you would rather spend it with him/her than any other normal friend.

This post is an ode to such relationships and I wish and pray that you could keep these relationships alive for ever and stay happy forever, with this single thought on your mind, that you found your special friend and could keep and cherish him for the a lifetime.

Tchau !

"The Exorcism of Emily Rose"

2006-07-20T20:29:00.000-07:00

"The Exorcism of Emily Rose" ..The movie name had such a horrifying ring to it. Being a fan of horror, my first thought was, "Man I should see this movie.." and I did. I went and I really did enjoy the movie. It was nothing like the normal horror or exorcism movies, where the so called possessed girl walks backwards or flies around in her bed.

This is a "true story" of a girl, of Emily rose(Her real name is Anneliese Michel..u can type that in google to find her story). She considered herself to be possessed because she had these experiences where she felt she was being controlled by something inside her and she started seeing demonic faces everywhere. But when taken to a psychiatrist, she was diagnosed with Psycho neurosis, which may lead to some kind of epilepsy and hallucination too. But the girl and her family firmly believed she was being possessed and rejected medical treatment and tried to exorcize the demon out of her, by taking a priest's help. Though most churches dont allow it, the priest agrees becoz he sees all signs of the girl being possessed.

The girl dies during one such exorcism session. The priest and the parents were tried in court for the murder of Emily Rose by negligence to provide her medical treatment because of which she died. But they were released with very minimal punishment.

This story moved me a lot, and made me go back and read about the Real Emily Rose, or Anneliese Michel. I am not exactly a believer of supernatural beings like ghosts, but this story caught my attention. Until something happened, that kinda shook the foundation of my beliefs and made me question them.

I did write earlier, the story of the girl who lived in the house right behind mine and who committed suicide. My mom who was away on a vacation, went to this girl's house when she returned to deliver her condolences to the girl's mother and came back with the weirdest story. This is how it is..as told by her own parents.

This girl was a really stubborn girl even as a kid. She had a small fight with her father when she was three..and had never spoken to him ever since( She was almost 20 when she died..can u believe it? 17 years !!!). She experienced some kind of epileptic fits when she was 17 and her parents rushed her to the nearest doctor. The doctor analysed her situation and came up with the diagnosis that the girl was perfectly alright healthwise. This maybe a mental problem and thus suggested the parents to take her to a psychiatrist who thought it might be psychoneurosis( Do u see a pattern here?? !) and ran various tests on the girl. The tests cost the parents close to 40K and the psychiatrist again came up with the answer that, there was nothing wrong with the girl. Everything was perfectly fine. But the girl kept experiencing these fits and everytime before it happened, the girl knew and kept hugging her mother and asked her never to let her go. The mother suspecting something supernatural, took her to a medium and the person confirmed that the girl is being possessed and could even become a medium like him. This startled the parents who just wanted her to be normal and the medium said he could help. He performed some rites and gave them a talisman that they could hang at their doors to keep away the ghost and also said he would perform the same rites for one year because thats how long it took for the effects to vanish. But unfortunately the man died before he could complete one year and the same happened to his student who tried to continue the rites. The girl wished to learn how to speak to ghosts and contacted another person who taught people to do this. But this person instructed her to contact him exactly one year later on No Moon day( According to the lunar phases) and she did call him. But he asked her to come see him a week later. She died the next morning. The night before she died, her elder sister felt a burning sensation inside her and had the irresistable urge to strangle the girl. But she somehow stopped herself and went to the extent of almost killing herself. She was praying the whole night and dint sleep a wink. The very next morning the girl hung herself with the exact same piece of clothing that the elder sister picked up to kill herself.

I decided to tell this story to justify her death. For having said wrong things about her before. Maybe she was possessed, or maybe just mentally affected. But this freaky coincidence has really got me questioning my beliefs..

What about you ??!!

Does This Solve The Problem ?!

2006-06-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

There was a lot of noise and commotion coming from the house right behind ours yesterday. It is common around here, for people to have loud fights and not really bother that the neighbour might hear it. I thought this was one of them so dint really react to it. But suddenly the noise got louder and got me worried. So I went and checked what it was all about. I saw people rushing in from all sides of the house and knocking the door. Even the neighbours next door jumped the wall and went in. My housemaid went in too.There were some men, who broke open the door and I saw them carry out the lifeless form of a girl and run towards the car and take off in it. My house maid, who jumped the wall and went in, came back with the information, that the girl has tried to commit suicide and the people have taken her to the hospital.

This really shook me and later on, I learned that she tried to kill herself, coz she failed in her college subjects and dint want to go to college and was scared to tell her parents, so she killed herself. It reminded me of one such incident my brother told me, about a guy who killed himself becoz he thought he couldnt pass his arrear papers. The girl did die finally. But is this the right reason to throw such a precious life away? Does it seem even fair? People who kill themselves, do they even think for like a second how this will affect the people around them, their parents, their siblings and everyone forever. To them, its the one-fix permanent solution. But does it really solve their problems? Is it really a reasonable reason to throw a good life away? If they had the courage to kill themselves, why dint they have the courage to speak to their parents and try to solve the issue, fight it out and live, rather than die? Isnt this a selfish motive, seeking only personal peace and not even bothering about how other will feel about it? Wont this incident haunt her parents to their grave? Would they ever forget about it? She had two other sisters. Will this not affect their lives too? Did she even think about it when she did it? I dont think so..

These were the questions the incident left inside me and I dont really have any answers. Is this right?? I am not even sure...

Ghost !!

2006-06-19T00:51:00.000-07:00

It was a hot and humid Sunday afternoon. I was lazing around with pretty much nothing to do and since my mom was out on a vacation, unfortunately I was all alone too. So I was thinking about what I should do, when suddenly it occurred to me, why not write a story. So here it is. Now this story has traces of the movie "Ghost" in it. But this is still wholly mine.

It was a hot and humid Sunday afternoon, when the six friends started out to on their trip. They thought they could take a long drive to beat the heat. They were driving far out of the city when they came upon a lovely boating area. Obviously the girls in the group wanted to try it out. So they jumped out. They all went. It was indeed lovely. It was beautiful lagoon with lovely blue water and small coves here and there and a small strip of land a few metres away that seperated the lagoon and the sea. So they picked up a boat fit enough for all six of them and started rowing. They dint take lifejackets, as it was hot and humid in the first place and it would only make it more stuffy plus they dint think they needed it, as the water seemed safe enough. They kept rowing and stopped at all the coves resting for a while, talking non-stop all the way and enjoying the boat ride. It started getting dark. All of them talking, none of them noticed the signboard at one cove that said "Dangerous area, stay out !". They went into that cove. The water was turbulent there. It was kind of like a whirlpool. They all panicked as the water rose from all sides. They tried to keep rowing but in vain. Then they all just clung on to the boat and saw the water rising like a giant, ready to swallow them. One of them, thought he could swim out of it and jumped into the water and then all of them followed him, taking his example. Finally they all swam out and towards the strip of land, lying exhausted in the sand.

Slowly they got up and took stock of their surroundings. There was nothing there. They gathered the wood from the splintered boat that was drifting about and set it out to dry. After a while they started a fire and all settled around it. All of them were exhausted and scared but they thought that once it dawned, help would come. Someone has to come looking for them. So they sat and waited and started speaking to each other again like normal, slowly coming out the shock. Then it got darker and the girls were scared about ghosts and the guys tried to scare them by narrating ghost stories. They did that for a long time till one of the girls started crying and then they stopped. Everybody was exhausted and slowly they all fell asleep around the fire. Time passed and dawn came as the fire slowly sputtered and died out. One of the friends woke up as he heard some commotion at a distance. He saw police cars and lights and people searching. He was excited and woke all of them up. They all started screaming and making as much noise as possible hoping somebody would hear them. Then they all stopped suddenly watching spellbound, staring at the scene in the distance, as someone let out a wail of terror seeing the bodies being pulled out of the water. There were six of them.

Good Afternoon !

The City I love..er..Live IN !!

2006-06-16T15:45:00.000-07:00

Well the city I live in, is Chennai. It is one of the metropolitans of South India. One visit here would prove to you, how much big city-ish it is.

Lets start with the dirt. The garbage and the stink have conquered this place. The basket that people keep trying to make while lobbing that pile of trash across the street has almost always been a MISS. And the stink that arises..mmm even pigs would lose.

And now dont get me started on the people who spit. Sometimes, it makes me so wild, that all I wana do is grab a gun and shoot them in the head. Well but I love my life and I sure wouldnt wana be in jail for the rest of it. You could just try hopping across one such spot and there are 100 percent chances that you would land on another one.

Hey now dont think I am a cleanliness freak or anything. Nah ! According to me, Cleanliness is next to Impossible. But still they are so many other things. Like the crowd that you find wherever you go. The temple..crowded, the Coffee shop..crowded, the Beach..crowded, the loos ??!!..still crowded. I mean there are people EVERYWHERE. And imagine with all these people swarming all over the place, the number of vehicles that run around the city carrying them ?? The dust, the pollution, the never ending heat, the sweat..Its such an irresistable combo.

But....I tried you know..I tried really hard. Really really hard. To stop loving this place so much. Tried so much that I even moved to a different place for college. But nah ah ! I was back every weekend. Couldnt stand being anywhere else. Yea I know you people might be thinking, hey whats so special about this place anyways huh?? Maybe not for you..but it is for me. So much that I am still considering going to a place that is called Paradise on Earth(OH! I am talking about America by the way..and there are A Lot of people close to me, who think I am a FREAK for not going...but hey !). You know zooming around in the traffic and the heat and the dirt in a bike, avoiding the near collisions, running to the movie theater early to get a ticket and returning empty handed, going more earlier the next time and trying harder to get the ticket, getting to go after trying so hard to get the ticket and ending up plugging your ears coz of the noise and the racket the fans make seeing their favorites on screen. Every one of these small things are so endearing and bring such an insurmountable happiness to me that is always inexplainable. It just means so much to me ! So much !!

And the people here are such a variety.Some stylish, some somber, some conservative, some loud, some rude and still some people so nice. And you will still like them. Just take your pick..find your kind and I am pretty sure..you will love them. I do !

Well I guess I am living the Indian dream here and I pretty much love it !! To me..this is HEAVEN !!

Forget Paradise !!

The Hamster Problem !!

2006-06-05T12:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people say and do funny things. But its only being in the moment, that makes it funnier rather than listening to a version of it. But I came across this anecdote sometime ago and it inspired me to write something in the same lines. So I thought..why not share it with you?? After all you are reading my blog anyways...

So here goes...

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD !

Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet.

Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?" I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!" "Oh, My Gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies." "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!" I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife. "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired... ( I actually think she said this sarcastically !) "No, but you were supposed to get two boys !" I reminded her, ( in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together). "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed. " Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, ya know," she informed me (Again with the sarcasm, ya think?). By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. " Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth." "OH, Gross!" they shrieked. "Well, isn't THAT just Great ! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know ( I really do think she was being snotty here, too, don't you?). We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It’s breech," my wife whispered, horrified. " Do something, Dad!" my son urged." Okay, Okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results." Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. " Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?) " Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. " Breathe, Ernie, breathe," He urged." I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake !!). The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass. "What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically. "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside. " Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked. " Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. " This hamster is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen...Ernie is a boy." " What !?" " You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um....er....masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. " Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron." We were silent, absorbing this. " So Ernie's just...just... excited?" my wife offered. " Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly. " What’s so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness. Tears were now running down her face. " It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on it’s... its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more. " That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the hamsters and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay. " I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad" he told me." Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

2 Hamsters -- 10 bucks... 1 Cage -- 20 bucks... Trip to the Vet -- 30bucks...

Pictures of your hubby pulling on the hamster's wacker........Priceless!

Live life on the brighter and funnier side. It is worth it, you know ?!

The Family That Matters !!

2006-05-30T22:52:00.000-07:00

It’s funny how things change, according to each choice you make. You want to live a comfortable life, but because you chose to be lazy while trying to get there, your life completely changes. We never get to realize, how these small things affect so many people around us, how it subtly changes lives of people around us too. I have heard that change is the only permanent thing in life. Making way for changes is one thing. Accepting them is another. Not many people have the strength to let the changes take place and accept change as it comes.

I realize this, when I see one of my friends suffer everyday because he chose to be lethargic when he was studying. I was too. But I had the family which backed me all the way and helped me get back on my feet. But this friend's family doesn’t really care. It is really hard to watch someone trying to set his life right with nobody there to support him. Though he is trying to get back on his feet, there is nobody there for him to pull him up and pat him on his back for doing the right thing. Friends like us can only help him to an extent. Every kid as it grows up, always wants that small word of praise from the parents. It yearns for it. It’s the family that means the most. Or so I think. I remember the days when I used to cry about having no friends, it was my brother who asked me to be myself and not regret and my friends would find me.My brother used to be my best friend. And I did find friends, who today would do anything for me. And I am sure I wouldn't have found them, had it not been for my brother. But to-date, my brother still remains my best friend. I thank god everyday for giving me the family I could be proud of everyday. For giving me the kind of family that everyone would want to be in.

I thank the lord for that everyday !!

My First Post !!

2006-05-27T17:03:00.000-07:00

My first post...Well...I have always thought.. So I create a blog and then do what with it? Write what? Writing as in giving a topic to write and writing is different. But to write something, or rather to start something off on your own? Hmm now that IS something I really need to think about. This reminds of school times when we hate to study, but now that U really do have to study coz exams are on the way, you are forced to study. I guess u know how I feel huh? Coz you've felt it too. Haven't you?

This reminds me of that day in eighth standard, when I had to study for my Physics exam. You know normally I am usually thinking about every way I can escape from doing this. But this time I was confident. Becoz, usually it was my mom who asked me the questions. She was such a sweetheart you know !! Always asked me questions that were given at the end of the lesson. So by the time, she looked at the question at the end of the lesson and got back through the lesson to find the answer, I would have finished answering it. Or so I said. But this time, I thought I could get off more easily. U wana know why? Coz this time, it was my brother who was questioning me. He is working and studying for his MBA as well, so he probably wouldnt have time to ask me all the questions. Or so I THOUGHT !! But well he asked me to know by heart the whole LESSON?? (I was cursing him silently...). But I did do it( You think I had a choice??..) .And finally I learnt the lesson by heart and also which page contained which answer. So that when he looked at the page I would know what answer that page contained, and would start answering that. I did surprise my brother by answering the first two questions he asked at top speed leaving not a word out anywhere. But then, he caught me peeping into the book everytime he asked a question, and he understood I knew the answers according to the pages. So clever as I was, he is my brother remember?? So he looked at the Ruby Laser question in page 42 and went on to page 37 which contained the Xray tube question. Just as the question was out of his mouth, I started rattling off as usual at top speed the answer for the Xray tube question. Not two lines down it, my bro started shaking his head. Confused, I pointed at the page and asked him to look at the answer. Only then did he turn to page 42 and pointed that the answer was there and I was giving out the wrong answer.

Caught in the act huh? Then he told me, I wouldnt get the answers along with the page numbers tagged in my question paper, so might as well, learn it all by heart rather than according to the page numbers. I scored top marks in that subject, but now when I teach kids, thats how I ask them to study. The whole lesson by heart, not according to the page numbers.

Turned it on them..ha !